


Yearning

by hantrovert



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hantrovert/pseuds/hantrovert
Summary: They thought they were having a one-night stand--for a whole week, but it seems like they couldn't just ignore their feelings.
Relationships: Ashlan/Lian
Kudos: 1





	Yearning

It was already bright when Ashlan opened his eyes, rubbing it to adjust with the lights around him. He definitely needed to buy dark-colored curtains so it won’t hurt his eyes as much when he woke up in the middle of the afternoon. He tried to flip his weight onto his back but noticed his legs were tangled with other legs in the process. A soft sighs came from a bundle of blanket next to him, “Stop moving, our legs are tangled together.”

Ashlan rolled his eyes as the memories from last night registered back to his head, ah, yes—he was drunk. The one lying next to him under the blanket was his companion of the night.

He pretended not to listen to the other’s saying and just struggled to roll out of the bed, kicking the other’s legs free resulting in dissatisfied grunts from the blanket. When he finally got off his back, he grabbed a nearby boxer on the floor and wear it lazily—it was inside out but Ashlan didn’t seem to care at all. He just went to the balcony, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter along the way. He didn’t even bother to close the balcony’s door when he was outside, just flicked the lighter with his right thumb and put a cigarette on the tip of his lips. He let out a sigh after inhaling an amount of smoke.

“You’re smoking too much,” said the person inside the room.

Ashlan puffed out another amount of smokes from his lungs before saying, “See if I care.”

Shuffling sounds could be heard from the room, Ashlan didn’t need to see directly to know the other’s rolling over the bed and tried to reach his own pair of boxer.

“It tastes bad when you kiss me.” The other said after a few moments of silence, “It smells bad too.”

Ashlan sighs, “Get used to it.”

“No!” the other exclaimed, “I don’t want to. Don’t kiss me anymore.”

Ashlan finally turned, his back facing the road outside leaning on the balcony’s railing. “It’s not like we’re still together,” he said bitterly.

The man sitting on the bed inside the room was Lian—Ashlan’s ex-boyfriend from college days. Last night they met each other again after not seeing each other for three or so years. Lian was the first one to take the initiative to talk to him, he even treated Ashlan a few drinks before they both got too drunk to care about the conflict between them and crashed to Ashlan’s apartment. Even though they parted in a bad term years ago, their bodies still reacted the same way as they did before. Holding each other like it was the most natural thing for them.

“Are we going to talk about it now?” Lian frowned, his voice still hoarse from the last night’s event—God, he wished Ashlan’s neighbors were deep asleep last night.

Ashlan finished his cigarette before answering, “No.”

Lian sighed and threw his body back to bed, burying his head on one of Ashlan’s pillows but moved away just as quick as he realized it smells a lot like the owner. “Don’t kiss me anymore,” he repeated, covering his face with his palms instead.

Ashlan also sighed, picking up another cigarette but stopped midway, his heart hurting.

They went silent for a handful of minutes, both dazing off, keeping their thoughts to themselves.

“You said so yourself, didn’t you? It’s only for a week.” Ashlan walked into the room and sat on another end of the bed, his back facing Lian.

Lian could feel his eyes twitching, he recalled saying something like _let’s pretend nothing happened between us for a whole week before we went back to our own ways. Can we?_ He slapped the thoughts away, “No, your mouth tastes bad and I don’t like it.” He said, “You won’t stop smoking even for a week if I told you to, aren’t you?”

“No.” Ashlan didn’t really have to think much about it, no smoking for a whole week? No. “I can brush my teeth, though.”

“Then hurry up and brush your teeth! It’s only a week away before I go to Tokyo!” Lian exclaimed, feeling frustrated with himself.

Ashlan didn’t say anything but he stood up and walked to the bathroom.

Lian grabbed a pillow next to him and hugged it, his heart aching so much because, _they finally found a way to hold each other, but it’ll only last for a week_. Even their three years of separation feels much easier than this, and it hurt him. He tried so hard to put no feelings between them in this whole week just pleasures and lusts, but it’s only been a day and he could feel his eyes burning.

He was still hugging the bed when Ashlan approached him, pressing the bed as he laid down on top of Lian. His other hand found ways to Lian’s face and slightly lifted his chin. Their lips meet midway, both of them leaning for the kiss.

Lian pushed the other so now he was the one on top of him, cupping his face with both hands. Ashlan didn’t mind, his one hand placed on the bare back of Lian’s and the other hand on his nape.

It felt too familiar.

The tastes, the smells, the warmth, it felt too familiar for both of them.

Lian abandoned the idea of putting no feelings on this. It’s been three years without them seeing even a glimpse of each other, now they could have a handful of each other—Lian shouldn’t ask for more, but his heart told him otherwise.

“I’m going to leave you again,” Lian sighed in between the kisses.

“It’s okay,” Ashlan said breathlessly. “It’s for the best.”

Lian didn’t even leave a single inch between them, ”but I don’t want to,” it slipped out of his mouth, and his shoulder tensed.

Ashlan kissed his shoulder, “It’s okay, I’ll find a way.”

Lian couldn’t stop himself anymore, “We can keep going on like this.”

“We can,” Ashlan kissed his ears, his temples, his forehead, the supposed to be lustful kisses turned into affectionate kisses before they realized, “but it’s not the best choice, no?”

“I don’t need the best choice,” Lian breathed next to Ashlan’s ears, “I don’t want it.”

Ashlan hugged him close, “No, no, don’t say it. You’ll regret it.” He trailed the other’s collarbone with his wet lips, slowly tugging the other’s hem of boxer.

Lian could only sigh and stopped saying anything, he leaned into the touch and pushed away the unsaid words in his head. If he could have the Ashlan in front of him at his moment, he’ll take it as much as he could.

Three years ago, Lian applied a job offer in Tokyo on a whim. Who knows he actually got the job a month later. Lian didn’t tell Ashlan about applying to this job, it was only when he got accepted that he told him. Lian thought everything would be fine, Ashlan would support him and keep their relationship even though he had to work in Tokyo while Ashlan in New York. But it was the opposite, Ashlan got mad that he didn’t tell him about applying, he forced him to turn down the job. Lian was raged and threw a fit, he won’t turn down the job, and he will leave to Tokyo in a month—he never thought it would end as it did, he never thought Ashlan actually went against him and even tried to stop him.

With just that, they parted ways.

But deep inside, both of them felt guilty, that they could solve this together and find a way. They just never said those words to each other.

After two rounds, Ashlan laid next to Lian with his hands around the other’s shoulder while Lian’s hands hugging his waist. They went silent for a good while just listening to each other’s breaths.

“I’m sorry,” Ashlan spoke up first.

Lian’s heart jumped, but he said nothing. The hands around his shoulder tighten and soon he was pulled into an embrace.

“I’m sorry,” Ashlan repeated.

“You said you don’t want to talk about it?” Lian’s voice trembled.

Ashlan chuckled next to his ear, “yeah, better not.”

“You’re really okay with us like this?” Lian couldn’t help but ask.

Ashlan didn’t answer right away, “I’ve thought about it, and it’s the best for you to work in Tokyo rather than here crammed with me.”

Lian snorted, “don’t you think I came back to New York after three years just to see you? You didn’t even move apartment or a place to drink.”

“I don’t know, you might come back to visit your parents?” he chuckled.

“Well since you’re too dense to realize it, I came back to see you.”

They fell silent again before Ashlan finally said, “I missed you too much I might be dreaming right now.” Lian couldn’t hide his smile as he heard it. He cupped Ashlan’s face with his hands and kissed the spot under his right eye tenderly.

“You’re not dreaming. I missed you too, that’s why I came back.”

They hugged each other tighter, and somehow fell asleep in the process.

-

Lian woke up first, his cheek pressed onto the other’s bare chest, feeling warm and comfortable. Now it was as clear as a day that they still longed for each other, but the fact that he’d still going back to Tokyo in a week didn’t change. He let out a frustrated sigh, memories of him arguing with Ashlan about this matter flashed in his head. They were stubbornly sticking to their own arguments, Lian yelling around about Ashlan not being supportive and all, he wished he didn’t say all that.

Ashlan shifted so his face was not buried on Lian’s fluffy hair, breathing softly on it. Lian didn’t want to move a slightest bit so he could just enjoy the moment to the fullest. Because he finally, finally found a place he had missed for three years.

-

**Author's Note:**

> It's very short and just popped up in my mind out of nowhere but I hope it's good enough??
> 
> You can find me on Instagram hantrvpls or twitter leostoes_!


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